Enter Shakira

by Cojko Dial#

  • Streaming + Download

    Download the first Cojko Dial# album in the format of your choice. We are badass and lo-fi so if you choose FLAC you're only wasting your own bandwidth...

    This package comes with full liner notes, alternative cover art, the original artwork and a photo of a dead fly.




After several years, four government grants and an assassination attempt by the Lebanese military, the first Cojko Dial# album is finally here! Featuring sixteen tracks that span some of the finest songs the band has written in their seventeen century career, Enter Shakira is a poignant revue of our times which will burn a hole through your heart large enough to fit a baby otter, or maybe a kingfisher.


released May 8, 2011

"Phreaky" Fergus Ellington, King of Prussia - vocals, navigation, sunglasses
"The Churninator" - vocals, vocals, vox
Kyle "Kyle" McSweeny, esq. - guitars, programming, opinions
"Dirty" Craig Hodgson III - bass, sextant delivery

Niall Robertson - producer, additional programming, making it all sound like a real band

Thanks to all our fans!! Without you this still would have been possible, because we did it all for free in Niall's bedroom, but it's nice to know you care...

The band would like to offer an eternal salute to Alan Rickman. Hail To Thee O Prince Ov Flies...




Cojko Dial# UK

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Track Name: A Truly Monolithic Amount of Toasted Cheese Sandwiches
Windmills, tulips, cheese and bikes,
Below sea-level, thanks to dykes
A low country, with high aspirations,
Sir... What is your destination?
Track Name: Blowing Smoke
Flowing mane,
Walnut brain,
Cock like a marrow,
I will obtain,
On my lips,
Equine kiss,
Horsey trousers,

Oh smoke, you are all I need,
I will ride you, you are my trusty steed,
Track Name: The Exception that Disproves the Rule
Craig, created by science,
The product of an unholy alliance between man and beast...
And the elder ones did feast, upon that night,
When Craig... Craig emerged from the light!

Pokemon and metalcore,
He don't need nothin' more,
Plays bass just like Mark King,
He'll do anything for the Queen...

Craig is a gentle chap,
He don't like that gangsta rap,
Once I saw him throwing up,
On the top deck of a bus,
His taste in music isn't good,
In many ways he's misunderstood,
By day, he reads 'bout kingly might,
But he's a dangerous sexual predator by night...

Track Name: Gnarlification
Riding on my motorbike,
Looking at things that surfers like,
These are the things that are gnarly...

Getting stoked at awesome stuff,
Mad freestylin' off the cuff,
These are the things that are gnarly...

Early-nineties funk-rock bands,
Smokin' weed on golden sands,
These are the things that are gnarly...

Breakin' all the social rules,
Skating empty swimming pools,
These are the things that are gnarly...

I gotta warn ya,
The gnarly train is on its way,
It ain't gonna stop today...

Well I'm a gnarly MC and I'm here to ascertain,
The arrival time of the gnarly train,
It's full of dudes who know the score,
Chicks who've followed Motley Crue on tour,
BMX bikes all jumpin' real high,
Flava Flav high fivin'the Kool Aid Guy,
Did I mention AC Slater, from Saved By the Bell?
Yeah, motherfuckers, he's here as well!
Track Name: Armadildo!
What is this monstrotic, powerfully erotic, armoured shell?
Dildo Hell? Perhaps he is robotic?

Welcome all to Kokodyle, we've sunk to a new low,
Allow me to describe my dildo covered, armoured foe,
They say he is exotic, and I can think of words to rhyme...
I could crack one off to the Armadildo in super-record time

Dildos on his fingers,
Dildos on his feet,
Through all the dildos you can hardly see an inch of meat,
Dildos on his elbows,
Dildos in his eyes,
In this monstrosity, my wildest dreams are realised...

Almighty God's secret sexual weapon,
Track Name: Mom, Dad, the Dog Ate My Poland
In the year of our lord, 1939,
Hitler rose to power,
He stormed across the Netherlands,
Desecrating tulip flowers,

His battlesuit, majestic...
His eyes, of lazer beams...
One man army, marching forth,
The Nazi war machine.

Churchill in his fighter jet, poised to bring him down,
Stalin's submarine is aiming at his blackened crown,
FDR is hacking in to his main circuit board,
Mussolini defects, denies his former lord,

History, exciting!

Tarantino ripped it off, but made it less exciting,
The real war had many more giant robots fighting...
Track Name: Slunge
In the South, strange creatures dwell,
(Like abortions, straight from Hell)
Sick, twisted abominations,
(Awful, fucked up abhorations)
Dung beetles wont venture near,
Skunks up-nose and steer well clear,
Hated by the foulest swine,
Wicked ugly foetal slime...
Track Name: Breaking the Hobbit
Well it's difficult to get up in the morning,
Unless you've take your amphetamines,
Your lectures will be quite a lot less boring,
If you rail some ketamine...

I'm a person just like you,
But I've got nothing better to do,
Than fill my body full of chemicals,
Suddenly, everything's hysterical!
Snort white shit up my nose,
Pass out at all my shows,
I don't even think about speed,
I just hit it when I need.

My best friends are the living dead,
I fucking love to fuck my head!
Ketamine and Nitrous Oxide,
Amphetamine Hydrochloride...
Track Name: Older than Three...
Whiskey and abuse...
Fiery murder juice...

Cocktail of insanity,
Alcohol profanity,
Gore and tortured limbs,
Twisted metal carcass,

Smoking magnesium,
Through the eyes of a sheep,
Gaseous metal death,
Burn like heroin!
Lysurgic nightmare,
Dissociative fugue,
Splintered fingers fill my eyes,
Waves of terror, fear and lies,

Whores and bastard witches,
Evil darkness!
Hole in my head, I can see out,
Magnesium delirium...

Cut yourself wide open,
Coming down like Lockerbie,
The elder ones have spoken,
You're my victim, bleed on me!!

White hot searing metal,
Knives slice my vision,
Like delicate rose petals,
Blood pools in my hands...
Track Name: Majestic Landscape in New Orleans
Katrina, Katrina,
All you wanted was some friends...

But you're made out of so much air and wind,
That you drowned all your new friends,
In New Orleans!

What have you done...?
Track Name: Marital AIDS
Marigolds and pink carnations,
Guarantee the best relations,
Between a pair of newlyweds,
Blues and greens and pinks and reds..

Oh the flowers are essential!
Said the reverend to the priest!

Buttercups and dandilions,
Or the colourful ones used by Hawaiians,
Purple, orange, brown and yellow,
Flowers for your favourite fellow...
Track Name: Mega Cockodile vs. Giant Coctopus

Jaws of thunder filled with seamen,
Mighty alligator demon,
Massive claws and eyes of black,
Primed for the impending attack,

A challenger approaches,
Eight helmeted tentacles,
He'd make an English gentleman,
Readjust his monocle,

Burning fiery eyes,
And suction pads of doom,
He lets out a mighty roar,
A deafening, piercing boom...

And then suddenly, with a crack of his phallic flails, the Coctopus strikes, the Cockodile wails! But it was a wail of anger; a wail of spite - followed by a bellow, and a show of might. With a glare at his foe, he let out a war cry, and he punched the moon right out of the sky! The Coctopus feared for his life, and he fled, but the Cockodile chased him and tore of his head...
Track Name: B.E.A.R.S.
Tom Waits for no man!
Tom Waits for no man!
Tom Waits for no man!
Tom Waits for no man!
Tom Waits for no man!
Tom Waits for no man!
Tom Waits for no man!
Tom Waits for no man!
Tom Waits for no man!
Tom Waits for no man!
Tom Waits for no man!
Tom Waits for no man!
Tom Waits for no man!
Tom Waits for no man!
Tom Waits for no man!
Tom Waits for no man!
Track Name: The Real Life Patrick Stewart
Why are you such a massive dickhead?
I used to think you were so wicked...
Fighting klingons in the sky, you were a stand up British guy,
Acting in all of Shakespeare's dramas, wielding swords and wearing armour

Patrick Stewart
(Shiny bald head!)
Patrick Stewart, from Star Trek...
(with your shiny bald head)

Young Patrick came from Huddersfield,
A town in Yorkshire, far afield,
Brave captain of the enterprise,
A drunken glance from beady little eyes,
His remarks got a little bit racy,
He was mean to the guy from Gavin and Stacey,
Looked like a dickhead on the telly,
If you fancy the Jonas Brothers, cover your belly...
The Titanic,
Sailing in uncharted seas,
Came up against the greatest of all maritime enemies...


From the sixth moon of Jupiter, comes a terrifying ice creature,
It devours women and children first, it's ninety percent submersed under freezing water...

Titanic slaughter...

Track Name: Triumphant Veiny Bastard
Cockodile, standing tall,
Throbbing member, massive balls,
Piercing glare, sword in hand,
Spreading spunk across the land...

Cockodile, you better believe it,
Cockodile, we can achieve it,
Like brave Achilles or King Arthur,
Jesus, Odin or Siddhartha,
Who can catch the Gingerbread Man?
Fuck the baker, the cockodile can!